This post is resonating because workplace age-based double standards are a chronic frustration for Korean workers in their 30s, a generation caught between old Confucian hierarchy and modern expectations of mutual respect. The specific, relatable scenarios OP describes โ petty revenge, stolen credit, being told to stay quiet while doing the dirty work โ hit close to home for a huge portion of the workforce.
A post on a Korean online community is striking a nerve with workers in their 30s who are fed up with a very specific kind of workplace hypocrisy โ the kind where older colleagues feel entitled to say whatever they want to younger workers, but lose their minds the moment anyone pushes back.
The original poster (OP), a 35-year-old, lays out a string of exhausting workplace situations that will feel painfully familiar to anyone who's navigated Korean office culture. A coworker their own age got played romantically (a situation Koreans call being put in an 'fishing pond' โ kept on the hook without real commitment), and when OP finally called it out bluntly, the person started petty revenge campaigns instead of taking the feedback. Meanwhile, OP discovered that equipment at a job site they inherited had been stolen โ they reported it to headquarters, only to get caught up in the resulting drama. In another incident, OP asked a senior colleague if they could learn a skill from them, and the senior got offended. Then an older 'hyung' (a term Korean men use for older male mentors or friends) told OP to 'watch their mouth' โ but OP pointed out that doing all the dirty work while being told to stay quiet isn't exactly 'watching your mouth,' it's just being a doormat. The hyung got angry.
The part that's really resonating online? OP's core frustration: younger people get talked to any way older people feel like, but the moment a younger person responds with even a basic fact or honest observation, they're suddenly the rude one with no manners. An older woman at work even pulled OP aside to say 'you're a good person, it's sad to watch' โ which OP understood perfectly, but still couldn't fully accept.
This post is tapping into a very real tension in Korean workplace culture, where age-based hierarchy (influenced by Confucian social values) means that seniority often functions as a free pass to speak carelessly, while juniors are expected to absorb it silently in the name of 'social maturity.' The comments are split between people who sympathize deeply and those gently suggesting OP might be making their own life harder by refusing to play the game.
๐ฐ๐ท KOREAN REACTIONS 10
What you're describing in this post? Keeping all of that inside your head and NOT saying it out loud โ that's what 'holding back' actually means.
Honestly, no matter how you handle yourself, you're going to get talked about. That means there's no right answer โ getting criticized is just part of the role. Stressing over it will only drain you.
I'll be real with you: dropping 'fact bombs' on people is not a good habit. The issue isn't that you're being honest โ it's HOW you're saying it. Saying something true doesn't automatically make it okay to say it any way you want.
If they don't respect you, you don't have to respect them either. BUT โ make sure you don't give them anything to use against you. Serve the revenge cold and from behind the scenes, not to their face lmao.
Fighting back feels satisfying in the moment, but all it does is spike your emotions without solving anything. Once you learn that from experience, you naturally start finding a middle ground โ staying calm, keeping your distance, not letting it get to you. It's all part of the process. Hang in there.
Etiquette and manners exist because other people are NOT you โ and because you're not always right either. What feels justified today might look wrong tomorrow. Even if you're 100% correct, the moment you hurt someone, people stop seeing whether you were right or wrong and only see the aggression. So the answer to 'what does holding back mean?' is: accepting that you might be the one who's wrong.
From where I'm standing, it looks like you're living life on hard mode by choice lol. You seem like you're saying everything you want to say โ maybe just try to relax a little?
I also struggle to hold back and sometimes cause friction โ and honestly, I end up being the one who loses. But if I really can't take it, I can't take it. It's my choice, so I deal with the consequences.
For anything personal or non-work-related, saying and doing absolutely nothing is genuinely the best move. Also โ reading your previous posts too โ you seem to get wound up over small things pretty easily. Letting go of that a little would help a lot.
You're becoming the same level as the people you're criticizing. If you were older OR had a higher title, people would bow to you in public while trash-talking you behind your back. But you're neither โ so doing the same thing to their face just gets you treated like this. You're building a reputation as someone who can't do the job AND has no manners.