This post is resonating widely because it exposes a common tension in Korean friend groups between married and single women, where married members often expect social reciprocity without acknowledging the imbalance. The specific detail that the friend badmouthed her mother-in-law regularly but then demanded a funeral appearance struck a nerve with many readers.
A post on Nate Pann — one of Korea's most popular community forums for personal grievances and social debates — is going viral after a woman shared a story about a friendship falling apart over funeral etiquette. The situation hits a nerve because in Korea, showing up (or sending condolence money) to a friend's funeral is considered a serious social obligation, and failing to do so can permanently damage a relationship.
Here's the backstory: The original poster (OP) lost her mother when she was in elementary school and was raised by her father and paternal grandmother. That grandmother was, in every meaningful sense, her mother figure. Earlier this year, the grandmother passed away on a Friday night. Because it happened over the weekend and the funeral hall was far from where her friends lived, OP quietly chose not to send out formal bereavement notices — she didn't want to burden anyone. She only informed her workplace. A month later, she mentioned it casually to her friend group, who knew how much the grandmother meant to her and offered warm condolences. No condolence money was expected or received, and OP says she held absolutely no grudge.
Fast forward a few months: one friend in the group chat announced that her mother-in-law had passed away — at a funeral hall three hours away in another city. OP offered sincere condolences in the group chat and suggested they get a meal together once the friend had recovered. A few days later, the same friend posted in the chat saying she was hurt that no one came to the funeral and no one sent condolence money (조의금, joeuigeum). She then took a pointed jab at OP specifically, implying that because OP is unmarried, she 'doesn't understand' that a mother-in-law counts as a parent.
OP is understandably frustrated. She's given this friend 200,000 won (about $150) in wedding gift money, bought gifts for two baby showers, and contributed 100,000 won each to two first-birthday celebrations (돌잔치, doljanchis) — all one-sided, since OP is still single and has never received anything back. She barely even knows the husband's name. And crucially: out of five people in the group chat, only ONE other member actually sent condolence money. The friend who complained also had a habit of badmouthing her own mother-in-law every time they met.
OP ends with a pointed question: if you expect your friends to show up for your mother-in-law's funeral, shouldn't you have at least sent a small gesture when the woman who raised your friend like a mother passed away? Koreans online are overwhelmingly siding with OP.